SOMETIMES I FEEL…

I feel like I'm losing
myself. 
Like I don't know who I am anymore
Like I can't get a grip on my own reality.
It's like I'm stuck
between joy and
sorrow
This in between existence
that is slowly choking
the life out of me
As much as I try
to push it behind
me
It's always there waiting for the
opportunity to engulf
my entire being.
I wish somebody,
anybody could hear
my cry of despair
and anguish.
Too bad they can't
Their too self-absorbed
in their own lives & routines.
To ever notice the pain I'm in.
So, I cry deep inside
Praying for someone to see through 
my tough exterior.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY

I love writing, it’s the center of my life. If you don’t love what you do, you’d better find something else to love. Otherwise, you don’t have a reason for living.

~Ray Bradbury~

WARFARE

I wish I knew how
to handle this
These thoughts are
climbing through my
mind. Trying to
break through & be
set free to cause
destruction, confusion,
and mayhem.
I say a silent prayer
to God to not let
these things be.
I’m not this person
I can’t be…
Can I?

I cry out in anguish
as wave after wave
of my thoughts cause
visions to appear before
my eyes.
I thrash &writhe
on the bed as the visions
keep a stronghold on
my soul
“God, please help me!” I scream
Suddenly, there is a stillness
in the room.
Peace envelopes my aching soul
and the visions disappear.
the dark thoughts leave me.
I hear a faint whisper “You’re
my child, and this shall not be. Sleep
my child. I won’t be far away.”
Serenity envelopes my heart
as my eyelids lower, I thank God
for giving me peace at last.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

~If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging~ Will Rogers

A HUGE STEPPING STONE

When I first started this blog, I was just starting my writing venture. I had written a few novels and was mainly trying to get my name out there. Now a year and a half later, I’m actually putting out my first novel on December 25th!! I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I’m hoping Yours Truly (that’s the name of the book) will be a hit! I don’t expect to be an award-winning author over night. Is it wrong to secretly want that? I’m not sure. If I don’t get there, well it’s all good. At least I know that I tried. Some people can’t even say that. So, I count my blessings. I said all that to say be on the lookout for it. I’m going to post on Smashwords, Amazon Kindle, and B & N’s Nook. Not sure about the price yet, but I will figure it out. Also stay tuned for a book giveaway!!! Thanks to all that helped me along the journey. You’re not forgotten. 🙂

New Beginnings Pt.3

Punch. Kick. Punch. Zane did his best to put a hurting on his punching bag. He was without a doubt frustrated. Since his fight with Lexi, he hadn’t been able to sleep much. That was over two weeks ago. He’d tried calling, texting, and had even gone over to her apartment. Rafe had given him the address. But she was avoiding him like he was a plague. Dammit, he was tired. Tired of chasing her ass. If she wanted to talk, she would have to come to him. By the looks of it, she didn’t. That bothered him a lot because he believed they would be good together. Needing to turn his off his thoughts, he began hitting the punching bag again. After about ten minutes, he felt much better. He walked to his bedroom to go and shower, but the doorbell rang. For a second, he considered not opening the door. He sighed and grudgingly made his way to the door. He wrenched it open and his heart did a somersault. Alexis. No. No. No damn somersaults. He was still mad.

“What are you doing here?”

She took in the sight of his body and licked her lips. Focus Alexis. “I…we..can I come in?”

He blocked the entrance. “Why? You were too busy running out of here the last time.”

She knew this wouldn’t be easy. She didn’t blame him if he was pissed. If she were in the same position, she would be too. “Zane, please.”

He clenched and unclenched his fists. All he could think about was pulling her into his arms and never letting her go, but his pride was wounded. “Look, Lexi. Let’s just forget about it.”

“I don’t want to forget about it. I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to reach me the last few weeks. I was just really embarrassed that I neglected to tell you I was a virgin and pissed that you yelled at me like that. I didn’t expect it. I knew you would be upset when I came over but I just wanted you to know that.” She stepped off the porch and turned to leave. She’d made it all of two steps before she felt him grab her arm. She turned and ran right into him.

He steadied her so that she wouldn’t fall. “Don’t ever leave me like that again. I prefer to talk things out instead of running away. And don’t ever deliberately ignore my calls or texts.” He drew her into his arms. “Thank you for apologizing. I’m sorry too.”
Dammit, he just couldn’t let her go.

“Okay. You’re sure that you’ve forgiven me?” She asked as she slid her arms around his neck.

He lowered his head and mere inches from her lips he whispered “Yeah, baby. I’m sure.” He touched his lips to hers in a gentle kiss and drew back. Desire coursed through his body but he held back anyway.

She licked her lips. The taste of him was so enticing. She wanted more. “Come back here. I’ve spent almost three weeks without you. I need more than that.”

He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “How much more are we talking?”

“Come back, and I’ll show you.”

“Alexis, can I ask you something first?”

She frowned. “Okay, this is not how I saw this going.”

He laughed heartily. “We’ll get to that, sweetheart. Trust me. Why did you come back?”

“Hmm, that’s a general question. Care to be specific?” Dammit, she could not tell him it was because she loved him.

What was she hiding? He wondered. She was deliberately avoiding his question. “Please answer the question. I need you to tell me the truth.”

She braced her hands against his forearms. “I can’t tell you. It could run you off and we’re just beginning. I just can’t do it.” She said softly

“Do you want to know the reason I forgave you? Even though I had every intention of giving up on you?”

She stared deeply into his eyes. “Tell me.”

He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Because I really like you. Not just because you’re good-looking or a good kisser, but because for as long as I’ve known you, you have always been caring and selfless. You give yourself freely in whatever you do and I love that. I really think we could be good together. But I need you to trust me.”

Aw, hell. She had to tell him now. She didn’t want him to believe that she didn’t trust him. “Zane, I came back because…Because I love you.”

His heart swelled at her words. “You love me? How long have you felt this way?”

She tried to move out of his embrace but his arms tightened around her waist. “Yes. Since high school.”

Damn. This wasn’t what he’d expected to hear from her. She loved him. That scared the hell out of him but at the same time he was happy. “That’s a long time to love someone and not tell them.”

She looked away from his piercing gaze. “I just realized it a few weeks ago.”

“Which is the reason you ran from me the first time we kissed?”

Damn, he was too perceptive. “Yes.”

“Are you ashamed to love me? You won’t even look at me.”

She abruptly turned back to look at him. “Of course not. I’m just…scared.”

Well, that was something they could agree on. So was he. “How about we just take it one day at time?”

She smiled. “I think it’s a little too late for that.”

He leaned closer to her mouth. “It’s your call. I’m scared too but I want you and nobody else.”

“Really?”

He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Yeah. Really.”

She smiled mischievously, pulled out of his embrace, and walked to the door. “You coming?” She tossed over her shoulder.

His gaze zeroed in our hips and behind. With little effort, she’d managed to make him hard. Oh, he was coming alright. Without replying, he walked up behind her and placed a kiss on her neck. “Let’s go.” Then he guided her inside.

The next morning

Alexis stirred in her sleep when she felt his mouth on her hot center. When she felt his tongue prob her folds, it was all she could do not to scream. The man had a devilish mouth on him. Something she’d quickly learned as he teased and taunted her mercilessly last night. Not that she had complained. She loved how he made her feel. She gasped as he circled his tongue and then bit the tiny nub in between her folds. This was exquisite torture. She writhed against the bed as he placed his full mouth on her and suckled. Oh my. Before she knew it, she began to tremble as her orgasm hit her over and over again, causing her to cry out. She fell back onto the bed breathless. Who knew it could be this intense? She thought but it quickly fled her mind as he slowly and languidly kissed his way up her body, and she gasped at every kiss and touch. It felt just that good. She felt her gut clench when their eyes met. She would never get tired of looking at him.

“Good Morning, baby.”

She smiled. “Good morning. So, can I expect to wake up to that every day?”

He leaned down to place soft kiss on her insatiable lips. “If that’s what you want.” He murmured against her lips.

She moaned. “I want.” She deepened the kiss and ran her nails down his back, something she’d discovered was a turn on for him. She felt a shudder pass through him. She whimpered as he abruptly ended the kiss.

He smiled knowingly. He loved her in insatiable appetite. “I’m sorry, baby. I have to go into work this morning.”

She pouted. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately, no. Rafe called me while you were sleeping.”

She sighed. “Fine.” She made a move to get up but he wouldn’t move.

He lowered his head and kissed her neck. “Where do you think you are you’re going?”

She stammered as he began nibbling. “H…Home.”

He looked into her eyes. “I’m not going to be gone all day. You can stay here.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I’m not letting you get away that easily from me.” He slid his fingers into her hair and kissed her passionately.

“How can I say no to that? Just one question.” She said once they broke apart.

“And what’s that?”

“Can I be on top this time?” She whispered

He looked at her body and licked his lips slowly. “Whatever you want, Alexis.”

She grinned. “Careful you might spoil me.” She rolled them over and climbed on top of him.

Damn, he was going to be late for work, he thought. But as he slid inside her, all thoughts about work fled his mind. This was worth being late for.

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Forever and Always Pt. 2

Vanessa threw her pen down on her desk and sighed. She could not concentrate on her work. It hadn’t been hard getting back into her normal work routine as an accountant. Especially since she’d kept up with all the company news while she was out. However, that wasn’t the problem. Terrell had consumed her thoughts for the last two days. She hadn’t heard from him at all. And why would she? He’d pretty much left the ball in her court. She’d seen him at work a few times but he never came to her nor did she go to him. She sighed again and gave up on working. While packing her briefcase, she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in.” She called to whoever it was

“Miss Sinclair, I.. Oh, I’m sorry. You’re leaving.”

Vanessa looked up to see that Mrs. Retta, Terrell’s secretary, had come in with some papers for her. She smiled warmly at the older lady. “It’s quite alright. You can just leave it on my desk, Mrs. Retta. Just let Terrell know I will get to them tomorrow.” She started for the door when she heard Mrs. Retta speak.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to say something.”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes. “Oookay.”

Mrs. Retta took a deep breath and then released it. “It’s none of my business but Mr. Williams has missed you so much. For months, I’ve watched him wallow in self pity. Now I know you think he cheated but trust me when I say he didn’t. For the last year and a half, Theresa had been calling him at the office. I know because I answered her calls. She bought gifts and flowers and I sent them back to her per Mr. Williams’s request. He wanted nothing to do with her and when he told her that, she threatened to break you two up. And well, it looks like she succeeded. I just thought you should know,dear.”

She stood there and absorbed what Mrs. Retta had told her. A small part of her had known he hadn’t done anything but she had felt humiliated and thats what had made her flee to Hawaii. She should have stayed and worked it out but she could be such an ass sometimes and more than likely she wouldn’t have listened. She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. “Thanks for telling me, Mrs. Retta.”

She patted her hand. “You’re welcome, dear. Have a good rest of the day.” With that she walked out and left her alone to think. She went over and plopped onto her love seat. How was she going to fix this? She wondered. Did she want to fix it? She didn’t have to think on it for too long. Yes, she wanted to. She still loved him just as much as she always had. And he still loved her despite the fact that she’d left without any explanation as to where she was going and was rude to him upon her return. She moaned as her head began to pound. Great. Now she had a headache. She laid her head back on the plush pillows and allowed herself to fall asleep.

Terrell locked up his office for the night. For what seemed like the millionth time today, he looked across the skywalk at Vanessa’s door. For the last couple of days, he’d wanted to go to her and beg her to stay with him. But he couldn’t do that. It had to be her choice. He looked away but then he looked again a second time, and realized her desk light was on. She was never here until after seven in the evening. He decided to go over there and make sure she wasn’t there. At least that’s what he told himself.

Once he reached her door, he knocked but she didn’t answer. He knocked again and still no answer. He turned the door knob and found it unlocked. Pushing open the door, he saw her curled up on her love seat. He smiled softly. She looked so cute. He couldn’t deny that he loved her, even if he wanted to. That’s just the kind of pull she had on him. The need to hold her was overwhelming. He couldn’t resist. He walked inside and let the door close behind him. He locked it and slowly walked over to where she was sleeping. Gently, he lifted her into his arms and then he sat in the love seat with her in his lap. He felt her squirm to get closer to him and he sucked in a sharp breath. He willed himself not to become aroused but it was hard not to when she was sitting on his penis. He decided it was better to concentrate on something else.

Looking down at her, he admired her beauty. It had been so long since he’d been this close to her. Her soft curly brown hair fell to her shoulders and her eyelashes fanned across her flawless face. Her full lips made his mouth water. Damn, he was becoming aroused again. He shifted his position again and this time she stirred. Her gray eyes met his brown eyes.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hey you.” He said softly

She stretched her arms and legs then settled back onto his lap. “So, are you going to tell me how I ended up in your lap?”

He slid a finger down her cheek. “I wanted to hold you while your claws were down.” He teased

She laughed. He’d always made her laugh. “Am I that bad?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes. Are you doing okay? Getting enough sleep?”

She chewed on her lip for a moment. “Not really. Sleep has not come easily the last few days. Too much on my mind, I suppose.”

He observed her for a moment. What could possibly be keeping her awake at night? He asked himself. “Anything serious?”

Might as well the truth, she gathered. She sighed. “I’ve been wondering if I made a mistake with you. It’s what’s been keeping me up.”

He skimmed his fingers down her cheek again. “And what did you decide?” He held his breath, hoping that she’d give their relationship another try.

She smiled and snuggled closer to him. “I think we should try again.”

He expelled the breath he’d been holding. “I honestly wasn’t sure if you would give me another chance.”

She looked into his eyes. “I can’t blame you for thinking that. I’m sorry about the way I acted, for leaving abruptly, and for not believing you. I’m a certifiable idiot.”

“Shh…Let’s just forget about it.” He lowered his head and kissed her full lips. He heard her groan and that sound heated the blood in his veins. He’d always loved kissing her. The passion between them had always been off the charts. He licked the seam of her lips and she opened for him and he deepened the kiss. His tongue glided over hers slowly and erotically. She returned the same erotic movement with her tongue and he was lost…lost in the feel of her mouth on his…of her clinging to him.

Vanessa moaned as he suckled her lower lip into his mouth. She needed to get closer to him…feel his skin on hers. Releasing a frustrated sound, she stood, turned, and unzipped her skirt. She gave him an eyeful of her plump derrière that he’d always loved. She removed her jacket and blouse and tossed them to the floor. Before she could walk back to him, she felt him behind her. His body heat consumed her. His hands slid down her taut stomach and stopped just above her sex, making her quiver uncontrollably. His other hand rested on her breast.

He kissed her hair. Nessa, will you marry me? The last time, I let you go without a fight, but this time I won’t. I love you. I need to know if you’re serious about us before we go any further.” He rasped in her ear. He needed her and he’d be damned if he let her just walk out of his life..again. No way.

She tilted her head to the side to look into his eyes. She knew he would never say something like this unless he was serious. She blew out a breath and tried to control her body’s quivering. “This is one helluva a way to propose.”

He grinned. “Would you prefer that I ask while I’m doing this?” Sliding his hand down inside her underwear, he gently parted her wet folds and slid one finger inside.

She moaned and closed her eyes. Spreading her legs wider, she moved against his finger.”That’s so not fair.” She panted. Damn, it had been too long since he’d made love to her.

He licked her earlobe and gently tugged. “Yes or no, baby?” He whispered then moved his finger deeper inside her.

Her breath caught in throat. “Terrell, please.” She begged. Normally, she didn’t beg but he was driving her crazy and she wanted him so much.

He hummed near her ear. “Please what?”

Damn him and his games. If he wanted her to say yes to his proposal then he didn’t have to go this far. But dammit, it felt so good. She whimpered shamelessly when he slid another finger inside her. She clamped her legs together to stop him from moving his fingers inside her but it just made him all the more persistent.

He nipped her shoulder with his teeth. “Stop fighting it. I love you and you love me. Share your world with me, Nessa.” He groaned when he felt her tense around his fingers. She was so close to having an orgasm.

Vanessa’s head fell back as he fingers continuously pumped inside her of her sex. She wanted to say yes to his proposal so what the hell was the problem? She didn’t get to think about it for long before her body began to spasm and her orgasm took over her thoughts. Oh, damn. She bit down on her lip to keep from screaming. God knows who else was still in the building. Once the spasms ceased, she slumped against him, unable to move.

He lifted her into his arms and then he gently stretched her out on the sofa. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, he kissed her eyelids, her nose, and then her soft mouth. “I will give you some time to think on it.” With tremendous effort, he stood and turned to leave her office. Maybe he had gone too far, asking her to marry him. Shit. He needed to stop thinking with his heart and start using his damn head.

Where the hell is he going?” Alarmed, she lifted up onto her elbows and called out to him. “So, my fiancé is just going to leave me here alone and half-naked?”

He whirled around to face her, his heart in his throat. “What did you say?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she saw the naked emotion in his eyes. “You heard me.” She breathed. Before she could blink, he had her in his arms and was smothering her face with kisses. She giggled and held onto him tightly.

He pulled back from their embrace and tweaked her nose. “You just couldn’t say yes right away, could you?”

She smiled wickedly. “Now where would the fun be in doing that?”

He chuckled.”Woman, you are so frustrating sometimes, I swear.”

She slid her hand down his chest and then lower to his erection. “But you still love me, right?”

He moaned as she caressed him. “Of course I do.”

She smiled knowingly. “That’s good to know. I love you too, Terrell.” She watched as his eyes rounded in surprise and then he gave her that devastating smile of his.

“I love hearing you say that. Now, come here so I can make love to you.”

She willingly went back into his embrace. She sighed as his lips skimmed her neck. Her heart was so full of happiness and joy. Lacing her fingers through his, she whispered “Forever and always, right? You and me?”

He met her gaze and kissed her lips. “Forever and always.” He whispered against her mouth. Then he lowered her to the sofa to make love to her. She would forever and always have his heart.

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Risking Her Heart

Sienna exhaled slowly, trying to calm down her racing heart and pulse. Antonio had just kissed her moments ago. On the dance floor. In front of all their family and friends. She lifted her hand to her lips and smiled softly. Nothing could have prepared her for that spine tingling, make your toes curl kiss. She had never had a kiss like that in her entire adult life. Sure, she’d been kissed before but never had it been so erotic. What was he thinking though? I mean they were best friends. Had been since they were toddlers. They knew everything about each other. Except this. He had kept this from her. What exactly was THIS though? When had they ever had secrets before? She wondered. Okay, that wasn’t fair. She had a secret of her own but now that he’d done this, what was she suppose to do? She really needed some answers and the only person she could get them from was Antonio. Turning to go back inside to the party to find him, she and Antonio bumped right into each other.

“Oh!” She cried out as she almost fell backwards before Tony caught her.

“Sienna, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He searched her eyes.

Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. “I’m okay.” She tried to stand up but instead he lifted her into his arms. A few people on the terrace were looking and she blushed. Despite that she linked her arms around his neck. It felt good to be this close to him “Antonio, you can put me down.” Why did she sound breathless? Her gaze dropped to his lips and lingered. Maybe she should initiate this time. Sienna, cut it out!! Her inner voice yelled but she ignored it. She lifted her eyes to meet his and she watched, fascinated at how his green eyes blazed with hunger. Hunger for her. Wow. This was definitely different.

He trailed a finger down her cheek and cradled her closer in his arms. “Not a chance of that happening. Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, Tony. You didn’t hurt me, physically. I’m just confused about what’s going on between us? You’ve never kissed me before.”

No he hadn’t. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to do such a thing in front of everyone. All he knew was that he’d been jealous for most of the night, as she danced with other men and not him. And he’d gotten tired of it. It was no secret to his family nor hers that he loved her as more than his best friend. Sienna was the only one who didn’t know the full truth. He’d wanted to tell her so many times but could never find the right words. Hell, where there any right words? He prayed the truth wouldn’t make her run. Sienna had a bad habit of not facing things head on.

“I know we need to talk, Sienna. You ready to get out of here?”

She smiled. “Sure. But can you let me walk? Not that this isn’t nice but we have spectators.”

He could care less about who was watching but he didn’t want to embarrass her any further. “Okay, sweetheart. Down you go.” He placed her on her feet and led her down to the parking lot. When he reached his car, he didn’t unlock it. He leaned back against it and brought her flush against his chest. “Is here, okay?” He let his hand slide down to her tiny waist. She looked incredibly beautiful tonight with her strapless ivory gown.

She nodded because she couldn’t speak. Her body was too aware of those muscles beneath his shirt and pants. She swallowed hard as she looked into his eyes. She had always loved the color of his eyes and his olive skin against her mocha skin. Too many times, she’d convinced herself not to dwell on it. He was caressing her back now and she shuddered from the contact. “What’s happening with us, Tony?” She finally asked him.

He let out a deep breath. “I love you, Sienna.”

“I love you too, Tony, but…

He placed a finger on her lips. “No, love. Not like I love you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. Oh God. She swallowed hard. “You love me as more than a friend?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

But…But how?” She sputtered

He almost smiled at her reaction but he held it in. “It started senior year. The moment I realized you weren’t my pesky best friend anymore was at prom. I saw the woman you were. The woman I wanted to get to know. The woman I wanted to love me back just as desperately.”

“Oh, Tony.” She laid her head on his chest and sighed. “Why didn’t you say something?”

He stroked her curls and kissed the top of her head. “I didn’t want to lose you. Us. But now I’m tired of holding it in. I know you may not feel the same way, but at least now you know.” He secretly hoped that she did.

She lifted her head from his chest. “You could never lose me, Tony. I will admit that I’ve thought about us as a couple before but as for loving you that way…I don’t.” That wasn’t the complete truth but she didn’t want to risk their friendship. Not for something that may or may not last. Lord, how could she just lie to him like that??? She asked herself.

He sucked in a sharp breath at her words. He’d known that was a possibility,but why did it hurt so much? “Don’t worry about it. At least I know, now.

“Tony, please…

He untangled himself from her and immediately felt cold. “I gotta go. I will call you later, okay?” He placed a kiss on her cheek and opened his car door to get in. He didn’t dare look at her as he backed out of the parking space. She might see his true emotions. As he zoomed out of the parking lot in his Corvette, with his heart in his throat, he knew things would never be the same between them again. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

(A week later)

Nearly a week had passed, and Sienna had not seen or heard from Tony. He didn’t drop by for coffee, nor did he take her to work like he normally did. They didn’t workout together or have dinner in the evenings . She felt like she was going crazy. He wouldn’t even answer her calls. She couldn’t even remember the number of times she’d called him. Ugh!! She was going over to his house. She was tired of him ignoring her. Before she could reach the door to leave, her phone rang in the kitchen. She rushed to the phone, hoping it was him calling her.

“Tony?” She answered on impulse. Silence. “Hello??”

“Hey, sweetie. It’s Samantha.”

She slowly sank onto the bar stool by the counter. “Oh. Hey sis.”

Samantha laughed softly. “Well, I’m guessing that I wasn’t the one you wanted to hear from.”

Sienna groaned. “Sis, I’m sorry. I’m just worried and about to go a little stir crazy over here. He’s my best friend.”

“I know, sweetheart. And you love him.”

She shook her head even though her sister couldn’t see her. “I…I don’t want to discuss that, Sam.”

“But you do. Tell me something. Why can’t you be honest with yourself?”

“I don’t want to lose our friendship. What other reason could there be, Sam?” Sienna asked in a frustrating tone.

“Honestly, I think you’re afraid to take a chance. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you, little sis. You deserve to have some joy, don’t you? The man is in love with you, girl. Now, I know he’s Italian but so what? The man pampers you all the time. Who wouldn’t want that?”

Darn, she hated it when Sam started to make sense. She was right. She loved Antonio. For a long time, she’d repressed those feelings and had gotten use to doing it. Now when he revealed his feelings to her, she lied to protect herself. She was being a coward of the worst kind.

“Sienna? You still there?”

“Yes, I’m here. I’m going to go see him.”

Samantha sighed. “Sienna, that’s why I called. I saw him today.”

Sienna frowned. “You did? Where?”

“At the market. He looked…really bad, sis. Like he was distraught..Like he was..

“Heartbroken?” She knew the feeling.

“Yeah. I agree that you should go to him. He’s a good man and you know it. So go for it.”

Sienna smiled. “You’re only encouraging me to go because you’re married to his brother.”

Sam laughed. “Whatever. You know I’m right. Get off the phone and go.”

“I will. Give that bun in the oven, a hello from his auntie.” She cooed

“I will. Bye, sis.”

“Bye.” She jumped off the bar stool after hanging up, then ran out the door.

(Antonio’s house)

Antonio flipped the channels on the television, trying like hell not to think about Sienna and how she’d broken his heart. He’d been avoiding her and knew by now she was worried sick. It was unfair for him to treat her like this but what else could he do? He wanted a life with her as his girlfriend and at some point his wife but she didn’t want that with him. Or at least that’s what she’d said. Uh huh. He was not going there. He’d done enough ‘what if’ scenarios and frankly he was tired. But apparently his brain wasn’t. He couldn’t help wondering if she’d lied to him about her feelings. He hadn’t thought about this all week until now, but her actions said something totally different. The way she’d wrapped around him that night at the party and she’d kissed him back for crying out loud! If she hadn’t felt the same way, she would have stopped him,right? Other little things stood out like how she would curl around him during a movie or hold his hand when they went sight-seeing. He jumped up from the couch to get dressed. He had to find out. He had to see her. Just as he was putting on his pants, he heard the doorbell. Damn! He wondered who that could be…

Part 2 coming soon…

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Unexpected

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!! How could you allow yourself to get in this predicament? Alana screamed out loud. She looked down at the pregnancy test again and groaned. Who’s sick idea was this? She couldn’t be anyone’s mother. She wasn’t mother material. How was she going to do this by herself? She couldn’t count on that married jerk, Andre to help her. They were over and he wanted nothing to do with her. The feeling was mutual. He could drown and she wouldn’t give a damn. She’d help put him in the ground if it would mean that she never had to see his face again. Funny how she once thought that she loved him. Maybe she did. That was before she’d found out that he was not separated from his wife and that she wasn’t the only woman he was sleeping with. Once she’d found that out, she made sure that she got tested for any and every type of STD. Thank God, she didn’t have any. Instead, she’d received a baby. This was a certifiable mess that only she would get herself into. She had to call Gabe. Maybe he could help her.
Gabriel, her next door neighbor and friend, well almost a friend. He’d made it clear after several months of living in the house next to hers, that he wanted more than friendship from her but would settle for being her friend if that’s what she wanted. She did at first because..well…she thought he was out of her league. Gabe, had to be the most gorgeous man she’d ever laid eyes on. He was the epitome of every woman’s fantasy. There was simply no other way to put it. He was a six feet four inches,chocolate hershey’s kiss. His hair was always cut low to perfection and his eyes were a light brown color that she swear she could see herself through whenever she looked into them for too long. Gabe, was also very fit. Many a day, she found herself salivating over his chiseled body. Aside from the physical attributes, he was a sweetheart. He was so understanding about everything. Sometimes she couldn’t understand it. The man had an infinite amount of patience which she admired greatly. Sighing, she picked up her cell phone and, scrolled down to his name in the call log and hit the send button. Her foot tapped on the floor nervously as she waited for him to answer.
“Hey, beautiful.” He answered with a smile
Do not cry, she chanted in her head. “Hey, Gabe.” She wished that she had sounded more perky instead of sad.
He sat up in his bed. “Uh oh. What’s going on?” He truly hoped this was not about Andre…again. The man was a thorn in his side.
She drew in a breath and exhaled. “Gabe, I just found out some bad news.
I’m…um….pregnant.” Silence. “Gabe, are you there?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, baby. I’m here. I’ll be over in a few minutes, okay?”
She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Its not necessary. Pl-
“Lana, I’m coming over. We need to talk.” He said in a gentle voice.
“Okay.” What else could she say? When he started speaking to her in that soft voice, she all but melted.
“See you in a few.” He said and disconnected the call.
Ten minutes later, she heard a knock at the front door. She walked from the kitchen to the door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. She should have taken another breath because she wasn’t prepared for the emotions gripping her. As soon as she laid eyes on him, she all but crumbled into his arms and let out heart wrenching sobs. She was vaguely aware that he lifted her into his arms and carried her inside. She felt him lay down on the sofa or bed..she wasn’t sure. He pulled her on top of him. After a while, she stopped crying. Her eyelids were very heavy and before she knew it she went to sleep.
Gabe held her tightly to him. It had nearly been his undoing when he saw her crumble like that into his arms. He would have done anything to help ease the pain she felt. As her sobs racked his body, he silently fumed. Furious, that Andre had once again invaded their space. Lana was a wonderful person inside and out and Andre hadn’t deserved her. And now…she was expecting and it wasn’t his baby but Andre’s baby. He wanted so much for the baby to be his and for Lana to be his wife. He wanted to shower her with so much love each and every day of his life but she had to let him. He couldn’t force her. He skimmed his fingers down her caramel skin and watched her sleep. He sighed. Why did he have to love a woman that didn’t love him back? He questioned for the umpteenth time.
His body froze when he felt her shift on top of him. This was sweet agony. He needed to move her before she started something that they would both have a helluva time stopping. Just as he was about to move her, she awakened from her sleep. Those blue green eyes held him captive. The tension between them was so thick and at any minute someone would make the first move. He hoped it would be her. He needed to make sure that she wanted this. He watched as her gaze shifted to his lips. All she had to do was lift up an inch and their lips would connect. He heard her sigh softly and then as if she’d heard his plea, she inched up to touch her lips to his and he was a goner. He lifted his hands to her face and tilted her head back to deepen the kiss. He slid his tongue into her soft, inviting mouth and felt extreme pleasure when she whimpered before tangling her tongue with his.
Alana could not believe she was kissing Gabe. She hadn’t planned on it but it had felt so right. It occurred to her as they stared at each other that she loved him. Denial of this very fact had been going on for months. She led herself to believe she wasn’t good enough for Gabe based on her inability to choose a good man…always going for the triflin men that could care less about her like Andre. She could have been with Gabe instead but sadly she had chosen the wrong man…again. Would he want to be with her even though she was pregnant with another man’s child? She wondered. The thought that he wouldn’t shook her. Slowly, she became aware that Gabe had stopped kissing her. Puzzled eyes looked into hers.
“Alana, talk to me.” He whispered
Her lower lip trembled. Great, now she was gonna cry. Real smooth, Alana. “I..I’m sorry I didn’t choose you instead.”
He smiled. “Everything happens for a reason, sweetheart.”
She moved out of his arms and off the bed. Instantly, she missed his warmth. “You shouldn’t be so nice to me. Why are so nice? I mean, I didn’t do anything to deserve it, Gabe. So, help me understand.”
He stood and walked to where she was standing. “Because in my eyes you are a gem. You’ve been roughed up and hurt but I’m here to make sure that you shine eventually. You deserve that and more, Lana. I love you. I have for a while now and it’s okay if you don’t love me back right now. I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to.” He wasn’t sure what possessed him to say that last part, but he meant every word.
This had to be a dream. No woman in her family got everything they wanted. Especially, when it came to men. “But what about the baby? It’s not yours. Why would you want to be with me, knowing that?”
He sighed and pulled her close to him. “Although, I’m not thrilled that Andre is the father of your baby, I still want to be with you and I will love the baby as well because he or she will be a part of you. Maybe later on, we can have one of our own.”
She smiled at the thought of that. “You’re serious?”
He kissed her full lips softly. “Of course, I am. But we will be married first.”
She chuckled and snuggled deeper into his arms. “Assuming that I will marry you.”
He laughed. “I always get what I want, don’t I?”
She pulled back and rose on tiptoe to kiss him. “Sometimes.”
He kissed her back. “I can see this is going to take some convincing on my part.”
She smiled. “Maybe. Just to set the record straight, I do love you, Gabe. I’ve kinda been in denial about it.” She watched in awe as he eyes darkened before her and were practically smoldering with desire. For her.
His head lowered and his lips covered hers as he whispered her name. “Lana” He breathed.
She didn’t protest when he kissed her. Why would she? He was fine and all hers. She moaned when he swept his
tongue against the corner of her mouth.
He dragged his mouth away and hugged her tightly to his chest. “I wasn’t sure if I would ever you utter those words. Thank you for loving me back.”
She buried her face in his shirt. “You deserve it.”
“As do you. So, will you marry me?”
She lifted her head and smiled. “I thought you’d never ask. Yes.” She stood on tiptoe to seal her answer with a kiss and as he lifted her into his arms, for the first time she felt like she was right where she belonged. In the arms of a good man.