THIS IS ONE OF MY REFLECTION MOMENTS:
I HEARD SOMEONE ASK: WOULD YOU TALK (GET TO KNOW SOMEONE WITH THE INTENT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP) TO SOMEONE THAT LIVES WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER? HMM, GOOD QUESTION. NORMALLY, I WOULDN’T PUT MYSELF OUT HERE LIKE THIS BUT SINCE I HAVE VICTORY OVER THIS AND IT’S BEHIND ME…I WILL TALK ABOUT IT. (S.N. IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO JUDGE, THEN THAT’S BETWEEN YOU AND GOD BUT DON’T PUT THAT FOOLISHNESS ON MY BLOG)
BEFORE I WAS MARRIED, I TALKED TO A MARRIED MAN WHO QUOTE/UNQUOTE WAS GETTING A DIVORCE. NOW MIND YOU, THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME GETTING INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS MARRIED. I LIKED THE GUY AND WHAT HAVE YOU SO WE TALKED OVER THE PHONE (HE LIVED IN BALTIMORE AND OF COURSE, I WAS IN DALLAS). I HAD NO CLUE THAT HE LIVED WITH HIS WIFE. I ASSUMED THEY WERE SEPARATED AND LIVING IN SEPARATE HOUSEHOLDS. WHEN HE TOLD ME FINALLY (THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE THAT HE WAS KEEPING THINGS FROM ME), I STILL CONTINUED TO TALK TO HIM…WHY YOU ASK? WELL, I THOUGHT THAT THE FACT THAT THEY WERE GETTING A DIVORCE MADE IT OKAY FOR ME TO CONTINUE GETTING TO KNOW HIM…AFTER SOME TIME, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT I LOVED THIS MAN AND MAYBE SOME PART OF ME DID BUT WHAT WE WERE DOING WASN’T RIGHT AT ALL…I EVEN WENT TO VISIT HIM IN BALTIMORE (STAYED FOR THE WEEKEND) AND HE CAME TO VISIT ME TOO IN DALLAS. CRAZY, RIGHT? I KNOW. SO AFTER THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW HIM, IT BECAME PLAINLY OBVIOUS THAT THE DIVORCE WASN’T GOING TO HAPPEN. HE KEPT PUSHING IT BACK BECAUSE HE COULDN’T BEAR TO BE APART FROM HIS KIDS, ETC. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, WE EVENTUALLY STOPPED TALKING ALTOGETHER (GIVEN THAT HE WAS IN THE ARMY AND WAS DEPLOYED TO IRAQ).
I’M TELLING YOU ALL THIS BECAUSE IT WILL SHED SOME LIGHT ON HOW IT IS EASY TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE WRONG THINGS, EVEN IF IT IS SOMETHING YOU NORMALLY DON’T CONDONE. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS, DID I THINK THAT I WOULD BE INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. GOOD THING, HE LEFT FOR IRAQ WHEN HE DID OR I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE CLEARLY. SO THERE IT IS…A PORTION OF MY LIFE THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT. KNOWING WHAT I KNOW AND IF I WASN’T MARRIED, I WOULDN’T TALK TO NOR GET INVOLVED PHYSICALLY WITH SOMEONE THAT LIVED WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER BECAUSE I WOULDN’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN TO ME…SOMETHING I WISH I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THEN…BUT PRAISE GOD FOR DELIVERANCE, GRACE AND MERCY. I DIDN’T DESERVE HIS GRACE AND MERCY BUT HE GAVE IT TO ME ONCE I DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT MY LIFE. I HOPE THIS ENCOURAGES SOMEONE…KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU MESS UP…IT ISN’T THE END OF THE WORLD….JUST DON’T MAKE IT A HABIT. BE BLESSED YA’LL!
HERE ARE SOME OF THE PROJECTS I’M WORKING ON:
“YOURS TRULY“- THIS WAS MY FIRST NOVEL THAT I COMPOSED. WHENEVER I READ BOOKS, I LOVE TO READ FICTION/DRAMA/ROMANCE…SO I FIGURED THAT THIS WOULD BE THE BEST PLACE TO START ONCE I DECIDED THAT WRITING IS ACTUALLY WHAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT.
THIS STORY IS ABOUT A GUY NAMED JALEEL SPENCER. HE IS A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN AND IS LOOKING FOR A DO-RIGHT WOMAN. PREFERABLY, SOMEONE THAT ISN’T CRAZY AND OBSESSED WITH HIM…HE HAS STREAM OF BAD LUCK WITH A COUPLE OF WOMEN AND DECIDES THAT HE NO LONGER WANTS TO CONTINUE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP…THEN HE MEETS KAYLA AND THINGS CHANGE DRASTICALLY FOR HIM…HOWEVER, THINGS END UP TAKING A TURN FOR THE WORST IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP WHEN AN EX-LOVER BEGINS STALKING HIM AND ENDS UP PUTTING HIS AND KAYLA’S LIFE IN JEOPARDY…AND IF THAT ISN’T ENOUGH…KAYLA’S VENGEFUL HALF-SISTER SHOWS UP IN THE PICTURE AND THINGS GET EVEN CRAZIER IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP…THE QUESTION THAT REMAINS IS: WILL KAYLA AND JALEEL’S RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE THE CHAOTIC DRAMA THAT UNFOLDS? STAY TUNED…
“A LOVE SO DEEP“-THIS IS THE SECOND NOVEL THAT I WROTE….SOME OF YOU HAVE SEEN A COUPLE OF THE EXCERPTS THAT I HAVE POSTED. THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY A SPIN OFF FROM “YOURS TRULY”. MATTHEW AND MAHOGANY ARE INTRODUCED IN MY FIRST STORY. THIS NOVEL GOES MORE INTO DETAIL ABOUT MAHOGANY’S TRUST ISSUES AND INSECURITIES. ALTHOUGH, SHE IS INVOLVED WITH A LOVING MAN (MATTHEW) SHE STILL HOLDS ONTO THE PAST AND IT SOON CATCHES UP WITH HER. THE NOVEL ALSO INVOLVES MATTHEW’S PAST LOVE LIFE AND AN EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE WORD “NO.” WHEN THIS IS PUBLISHED, YOU WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO READ MORE ABOUT JALEEL AND KAYLA. THIS NOVEL IS FULL OF TWISTS AND TURNS. I’M SURE THAT MOST OF YOU LOVE JUICY BOOKS AS DO I. LOL
“FORGIVE AND FORGET“-THIS IS A NOVEL THAT I AM CURRENTLY WORKING ON. SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY DAILY POSTINGS, THAT HAVE NOW BEEN TAKEN OFF BECAUSE I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT SOMEONE COULD IN FACT STEAL MY WORK (NOT SMART, HUH?) GOOD THING, I FIGURED THAT OUT WITH THE HELP OF A FRIEND (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). ANYHOW, FORGIVE AND FORGET IS ABOUT A MARRIED COUPLE (CHARDAE & JACOB) WHO CHOOSE TO STAY TOGETHER AFTER THE HUSBAND’S INFIDELITY WITH A FAMILY MEMBER…GRANTED THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS EASY TO GET THROUGH BUT THEY’RE STICKING IT OUT…A NUMBER OF OTHER CHARACTERS ARE INTRODUCED IN THIS NOVEL…INCLUDING THE FAMILY MEMBER THAT JACOB SLEPT WITH!!! I THINK THIS ONE IS MY BEST ONE YET SO BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR IT WHEN I DO GET IT PUBLISHED. I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED!
Chardae sighed as she lay with her cheek pressed to her husband’s chest. They’d just finished making love and he did not disappoint. No not all. In fact, he’d been at his very best tonight. So much so that she couldn’t help but give him her best too. For the last three months, they’d been separated because of his infidelity. She closed her eyes and squeezed them tight, willing herself not to think about his betrayal. But she couldn’t help but think about it. It wasn’t that long ago. When he’d told her about his affair with a twenty-three year old, about half her age, it just about tore her apart. The fact that she was family, hurt even more. As much as she’d tried to pretend that it was all joke, she knew that it wasn’t. He’d never joke with her about such things. She remembered how she’d thrown him out of their home that they’d built together. A home that they were suppose to live in together for the rest of their lives.
She inhaled sharply. “Are you serious? You slept with someone else?” Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as if it was going to bust out of her chest at any moment.
He hesitated for a brief moment. “Yes, I slept with someone else. I slept with her one time. It didn’t just happen, Chardae. I had to time to think about it. It was a mistake.”
She could feel the tears behind her eyes. She hated feeling weak. “But why? Did I not make you happy? What could I’ve done to make you betray me, Jake?”
He didn’t want this. He didn’t want her to blame herself. “Chardae, please don’t do this. It wasn’t about you. You did everything right. It’s me.” That wasn’t entirely true but he didn’t want the blame to be placed on her shoulders.
She didn’t believe anything that came out of his lying mouth. He was holding back as usual. “Jacob, I suggest you tell the truth because lying will not get you anywhere.” She knew that she’d gained about 15 pounds within the last few months but that shouldn’t have made him cheat. It had to be something else. When he didn’t say anything, that made her even more nervous. “Jake?”
He exhaled a shaky breath. He absolutely could not tell her that he’d slept with her cousin, Kim. “Chardae, it wasn’t you. I just made a foolish mistake. I let her get to close to me and vice versa and that’s how it all got started.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. She’d been with this man for too many years not to know when he was leaving something out. “Who is she?” She didn’t want to know but she asked anyway.
“Chardae, please.” Jacob pleaded.
She crossed her arms. “Who the hell is she, Jacob?”
He let out a frustrated groan. God, she was too inquisitive for her own good. If he didn’t tell her then she would just keep asking him. Damn. “It’s your cousin. I slept with Kim, Chardae. She began calling me about two months ago. I’m still not sure why but that’s how it began.”
Her jaw nearly dropped. “Are you kidding me? You slept with my cousin, Kim? Are you out of your mind?!” She shouted. Her entire being began to tremble. She was beyond pissed off. Hell, she was infuriated. “Get your sorry, no good behind out of my house! And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t come back!”
“Chardae, let’s be reasonable. Let’s talk about it.” Jacob tried to reason with her although he knew it was no use to do so. His wife could be as stubborn as a mule sometimes.
This had to be some sick joke. He wanted to talk about it? “Talk about it? What is there to talk about? You’ve obviously made up your mind that you would rather sleep with a hoe like Kim then to be with a classy woman like me. She has three kids with three different men. Do you really think she cares about you? This is the last time I’m going to tell you this….GET OUT!” She screamed.
Jacob knew better than to argue with her. He picked up his keys and his duffel bag and made a hasty retreat. When he shut the door, she fell to the floor and let the tears fall.
She felt his arm tighten around her waist, bringing her out of her reverie. She looked up to find him staring at her intently. “Don’t think about it.” He said softly and then slid his finger down her cheek.
“I’m trying not to.” Which in fact was the truth. She’d been successful in not thinking about it before they’d tumbled into bed. She blushed when she thought about how he’d tore her clothes off when they’d argued earlier. Apparently, he’d been as sexually frustrated as she was.
He smiled. “Try harder. I don’t want us to go back to that. I want us to move forward. I’ve missed you.”
She lifted her hand to caress his cheek. “I know, Jacob.” Then she moved atop him and met his soft lips, in a kiss that was sure to inflame her entire being. She parted her lips to invite his tongue in and he complied with what she wanted. She sighed as he slid inside her again. Was it possible for her to want him again so soon? Apparently so, because her body began to move on its own accord. He skimmed his fingers down her back which caused her to shudder and surprisingly, fueled her fire more. She leaned over more so that he could suck and pull on her aching breasts. When he pulled one of her nipples in between his teeth, she moaned so loud she was sure the neighbors could hear her. She rode him so fierce that her body convulsed when she reached completion and he groaned her name when he followed not too long after her. Breathing rapidly, she lay her body down on his.
“Maybe we should fight more often.” He teased
She chuckled. “Maybe. What was the argument about again?”
He laughed. “Honestly, I can’t remember. When you showed up here to my hotel room in that dress, I couldn’t think about anything else.”
She felt her face flush. “I guess it was a bit revealing. If you couldn’t think of much else then why did you argue with me?” She’d been on her way to a banquet that was being given for one of her co-workers, when she received a call from her lawyer. When she’d learned that Jacob was planning to pay her alimony, she turned her car around to go to his hotel so that she could tell him just how much she didn’t want his money. At the point she’d forgotten all about the revealing dress she was wearing. The dress she’d worn was black and had a deep split in the chest area and the rest molded to her curvaceous body all the way down to her knees. She was proud that she’d lost at least twenty pounds since she’d found out about his affair. Losing the excess weight had strengthened her self-esteem. It hadn’t been easy but nothing ever was.
“Not sure. I was doing it half-heartedly. I kept thinking about how to get you out of that dress. I guess the argument worked to my advantage.”
She laughed. “You’re shameless. I can’t complain though.”
He moaned. “I can’t either. I’ve missed you.” Truth is he had missed her terribly. So much so that he’d fallen into some kind of depression over the last few months. Sure, he and Chardae had gone to a few marriage counseling sessions before they’d decided to get a divorce, but that made seeing her that much harder. Especially when she hadn’t forgiven him for his betrayal. He still wasn’t sure whether she had forgiven him or not. He wasn’t sure if even wanted to know. Having her in his arms, made him extremely happy.
“I’ve missed you too, Jacob. So much.” She admitted. She never would have told him that a few months ago but she figured honesty was the best policy at this point.
He lifted up slightly and she moved with him. “You’ve missed me?”
She smiled. “Of course I have. You seemed surprised to hear that.”
“Well, yeah. Every time that I have seen you, you’ve wanted to cut my head off.”
She sighed. That was true. She’d never let on that she’d missed him. How could she when she’d been so hurt and broken? “Jacob, I was hurt. What did you expect? Regardless, I still missed you….us….our life together….our marriage.”
He nodded because his throat was constricted because of the words she’d just said to him. He never would have thought that she still wanted him…after all that had happened. “Thank you.” He said a few minutes later, when he felt like he could speak.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in closer. “No, thank you.” She brought her mouth to his and kissed him passionately.
“We need to talk.” He murmured against her lips.
“Later.” She mumbled. She heard him let out a sigh of contentment and he made love to her again.